And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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