you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Everyone says I win the strip club
Bring me that man meat
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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