Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
