She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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