do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
