Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
