He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
