the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
