I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
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