oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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