So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
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