How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
