doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
