Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
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