First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
