if you like me you must not know who I am
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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