he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
