Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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