mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
