porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I wish there were birth control emojis
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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