BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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