I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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