Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
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