Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Randomize
