ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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