Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
