I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
