My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
