My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
