He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
