im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Randomize
