um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
