My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
