the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
