so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
