Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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