nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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