I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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