i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
