FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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