No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
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