dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
You took a bar mat shot.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
