I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
