turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Randomize
