mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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