Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
