and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
