Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Randomize
