just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
