dude i'm inner monologue high
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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