This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
