I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
She's the barista slut.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
